Well...

So my second shift at Mens tonight. Was a very short shift.. 4.25 hours to be presice. I mean I got paid $160 for one night's shift :)
Well that's what it said on my payslip, it isn't in my bank yet. Knowing my luck my fucking bank details will be wrong.

There's a cute boy there. One of the bussy's. He looks at me sometimes and talks to me rarely. He's still cute.

I wonder how long I'll last there. It's funny. I think I like it and I think it's easy. Especially once I learn where everything is and everyone's names! There's way too many fucking people there.

Well I guess I'd better go to sleep, get up tomorrow and do some more cleaning. Maybe go to Ikea. Maybe go into work.

My boob job isn't really any closer then it was before. I the chances of me getting $10,000 by the end of the year is near impossible. Unless I fully fuck myself and work all the time. I just can't though. I hate that fucking feeling, of being so tired, sore and hungry that you would seriously, actually rather be dead then alive at that current moment.

Fuck man I need more money. I mean even if I keep my job at VG. I would have been making more a fucking week doing my full time hours then working at Mens and VG. Death. Why the fuck don't these things work out ever for me. Why the fuck can I not have an easy fucking job that pays fucking well. I got to get a full time office job I think. Sitting on my ass all day, sorting through paper work, greeting shitty fucking customers and talking to people on the phone. I mean how fucking hard can that be?

I'm sick of appying for jobs. It's a waste of time and it takes up so much fucking time. I can't be bothered. Maybe tomorrow I'll look for one. I mean come on, I want about.. fuck it, $700 a week. Yep that's what I fucking want to be on. AND to do that at Men's by the look of it I need to work 6 fucking days a week. Fuck me. Why do I bother at anything, I'm never gunna ever get what I want and it's never going to be any time soon. At least I haven't needed to buy clothes all this time. For summer all I'll need is new footwear. Maybe some new sunnies but I love the ones I've got.

Anyway before I start talking more and more about fucking shit I need to go to bed. Hey look I can type and look at the screen at the same time!

Anyway.

Fuck my mother fucking life.

Starting

So I started at Men's last night.. 11 hours I was there for. Fuck me it was long and painful.
It wasn't horrible, was a bit different. Nothing was really bad, just nothing was awesome either.

I'm sure I will pick it up and get quicker. The tips have to get better.. I mean $130 is pretty good. But I want like $200 each night.

So let's work out what I'm approximitly gunna get paid.. basically $180 for that one night. Neat. I guess.
It'll be good for when I'm at school.

We'll see how we go. I just want the money. If I had the tits I recon I would almost start dancing. I mean how hard can it be.

Dinner time.

At it again

Here I am at it agian. Hasn't even bee 24 hours.

Had my meet n greet at Mens tonight and I'm starting on Saturday night. Oh I hope I'm not slow and annoying, I hate those people.

I hope I pick it up real wuick and fit in. I mean listen to me, concerned if I fit in somewhere. As a kid I used to think that this type of place would be perfect for me, it's where I would actually end up.

God don't you wish you could see your self and your life through a crystal ball. See what's going to happen, see what's going to become of you. So you can make the right desision, or the best desision from the choices you have.

I guess all I can do is sit and enjoy what I'm doing now coz later on something else is gunna be shitter and I'm gunna wish that I was back here again. Oh I'll be dreading that feeling.

I just want it to get better, I don't ever want it to get shit agian, challenging maybe, but not shit.

I need some friends. I'm gunna miss the girls at work so much. Our stupid antics.
It's not fair.

Cleverness

Yeah I'm pretty fucking clever.

Bitches shouldn't fuck with me. I may be small, I may not really know how to punch on, or even had the chance, and I may not really understand the consiquences of my actions but I will fuck your mother fucking shit up if you try to fuck me over.

This chick has no idea what's gunna hit her. As long as I'm out of there by Christmas. I don't think I could handle working in fucking retail over Christmas. I hated it in Benidgo, so I'm gunna hate it here. With fuck wit managers that have no idea what they are doing. Hope they get slammed. Hope they get robbed and hurt, AND in trouble for it haha.

I can't get her fired. I don't know how to.

Am I really this evil? Is it normal to be this evil? I mean all the other girls are willing to do it.

I hope this all works out. I better get lots of money from Mens and somewhat enjoy it. I hope I meet cool people. I hope that it actually gets me somewhere. I've been waiting too long for everything that I've wanted and now that it starts happening just a little it starts going backwards. I'm not fucking letting it. I'm gunna get another job, rack in the fucking money and get what I fucking want.

I hate this fucking planet.

Golly

Sitting here in my house all alone and it's brilliant. Singing to songs thinking I have a good voice. Ha.

Doing some washing and shit. Should clean my room properly. I do. Then it get's fucked up again.

God I'm gunna miss the girls at work a lot when I finally leave that shit hole.

I'm gunna move to Canada.. and meet Deadmau5.. and then work for him somehow.. then bang him. Serious. My life goal. Seriously.

God when is something going to happen in my life. I better get lots of money working at Mens. I want so many things and if I don't fucking get them then my life has been a failure. This computer course better get me somewhere good.

I'm gunna work for a celebrity one day. That's my life goal. It really is.

White straight teeth and big tits are my goals for now. And jesus fuck I'm gunna get them. You fucking watch me. I'm gunna do what it fucking takes. I can't handle this shit. Shit pay, shit people.

I need lots of money. I'm greedy, at least I can admit it and love it.

It's been a while

So many things to type. Such a shit memory I have to remember it all.

My laptop is pretty good. Good buy. I do love it. Just hope I can afford it.
I get my teeth tightened on Wednesday night.

So work. WELL.
My cool manager, who lasted a week is now gone, a new manager is in and she's a dog.
Cool cut my hours you mole, see how good your car ends up looking after I take to it with a base ball bat.

Meh I hope I get another job. Why hasn't any place rung me yet. I hate looking for work. It proves what your actually worth in the 'job hunting market' which is just fucked.

Waitressing at a gentelman's club as they call them. Why not. Better bring me good money. I'm determind to get this fucking boob job before I'm 21. I want to actually do something that I've said I was going to do. Sick of everything falling through and never working out.

I could hate it. Hate the pressure, the people, the place. I could love it. It's never going to work out like you think. We say I'll stay away from it all, make the money then come home of a night. But do I have an addictive personality? I can't tell. I'm addicted to Facebook but I don't think that counts. I'm too lazy to be addicted to things.

I don't like drinking or smoking. Don't get gambling. Drugs are nor here nor there.

God I just want it to work out. Come on. I mean after all the shit. I know I've had it good for the last maybe, 4 months, but come on that doesn't make up for the years of shit.

Fucking, just, come on. Work out.

Sitting here all day

I have a day off work today. I don't know what to do with myself. Should I go for a walk down the street? Go into the cuty even. Honestly I can't be bothered.

I have washing to fold and put away... Might have a coffee and a shower and see how I feel then.

It's been boring the last couple of days. Nothing riverting to talk about. I hate that feeling that you're always waiting for something to happen, always waiting for the next thing. I'm waiting for this lease to be up, then waiting to start school, then waiting to finish school, to then start working, then wait till I can afford to travel, to then wait untill I'm back in Australia to work again.. well there goes my next 6 or 8 years of my life.

It's sad what humans do to themselves when in the end we get nothing but old, frail, deaf, sick, and then die. Sucks right?

I wouldn't mind being young forever.

Lies and Dodgy Cunts

God I hate males. They're all lying dodgy cunts. They're emotionaly needy, sooky, bitch and whinge about everything.

Such a dodgy cunt. Can't wait till this lease is over so I can move out, find myself a hot, tattoo-covered, muscley guy that has a decent job :)

I will keep hunting for you buddy!

I took this

I took this. I was at a station in Melbourne, on the way back home from having xrays and photos taken of my teeth so I could get braces.

I'm getting somewhere

Sooo, yesterday I picked myself up a laptop. Brand new, shnazy thing. I've wanted it for ages but never really thought that I could get it.
I was on sale so I got it on interest free shit. It's $50 a week for 6 months. I can do that. I have to be able to do it now.
Eh there's 5 months untill my lease is up. I don't know where I'm going to live. Or if I'm actually going to be able to afford it. I just need to find a crappy little place. I don't want to live with my sister I really don't. Is she serious, does she want to live with me? God I couldn't handle it, her annoying personallity. She would drive me insane.

I don't know what I'm going to do next year. I have a small thought in the back of my head to just keep working and get into some full time work with a salary. But then what am I going to do and where is that going to get me in 5 years time when I can't do anything else.

2 years at school. Minimum. What if I can't live. What if I can't pay for all my bills and shit. Maybe I should do some budjeting shit and get serious.

Funny, I love my laptop :)

I like having an idea of what I'm going to do next year but not actually knowing what's going to happen, I don't like that.

I don't want to live with anyone. It'll be out for the bf when this lease is over. He's of no financial help or emotional for that matter. He's gunna be a thorn in my side.

I can fucking do this and I have to stop relying on guys helping me out.

It's been a long post. I probably feel more comfortable posting posts from the comfort of my bed with dickhead asleep next to me.

I wish I could see into the future.

Speaking of sort of future stuff. Going back to Swan Hill was funny. Do I really look that different and that good? There's so much more to fix.

I wish I knew and had everything.

GROSS

Well I have a snotty nose and it's annoying. I've been sneezing all fucking day and it's driving me insane. I have a 21st to go to on the weekend and I'm going to be sick. Fucking awesome.

I still haven't got something to wrap her present with. A fuck loak of clothes is hard to wrap.
A box, yep they're going in a box.

I love work I think. I thought about looking for other work more along the lines with what I want to do at school but I couldn't leave the girls. It's nice belong to a group.

My god I fucking hate my housemates, dirty, scummy, little pestisites. Each time the girl has a shower there's fucking marks and dirt at the bottom of the bath! Fucking dirty cunt. I hate her.
Her clothes are outside, wet and mouldy and she just leaves them out there, it's really gross, lazy and fucking rude since we have to share this house with her. Dirty rat.

Oh there will be more of where that came from. I hope she dies. I'm a heartless person, at least I can admit it.

Ok, off to do some washing and trying to organise my life, day by day, hour by hour. Please tell me that my life is going to be like this forever. There has to be something else, at the end, when I can say,

'yeah fuck that shit, been there done all that never need to do it again'

*sigh*

One day, some day.

Again

Ok ok ok, so I've started like, 10 of these and never keep them going. I swear it's the ADD.

Funnily enough, Deadmau5 gave me the idea to start one again, I can talk about stupid shit and bag out where I work coz it's a fucking shit hole.

I can bag out my bf too, and my fucking cunts of housemates that I live with. God I hope they die.

I have my new manager coming over to my house tonight to pick up the store key so she can open the store and find it trashed. Fuck it shits me how little those girls work. Really, come on now.

I don't want ot be rabling on for ages about nothing, fishing for things to talk about just so I can actually make this blog. I want to keep it up. I really do.

---

Moments later - My new manager has arrived and left :) She's so nice, I cant wait for everything to fall into place and start working. I think once I move out, of the shit pit filled with fuck wits, and start school and work everything is finally going to work.

About fucking time.